No words were spoken. Somehow, he thought there would be so much to say, or be said . . . accusations and condemnations terrifyingly appropriate. But there was only Jesus, both wounded and healed, looking at him with a serene, peaceful , and gentle countenance. That loving gaze held him with deep affection, both unnerving in its directness, and reassuring in its graciousness.
In that instant he knew as he was known, and had always been known. Pretense, posturing, excuses, and justifications were stripped away and unthinkable in the divine gaze. Before this Lord, the healer with marks of crucifixion, he was more naked than he had ever been, all the mistakes and sins of his life fully revealed. No words were said, none were needed, because he knew the truth for the very first time. There was no denying, or mistaking what he had done, and said, and thought. But the effect of the deep love and eternal mercy roaring in silence from the One who judged him, light so bright, as if the sun had been darkness itself, healed as well as revealed.
His blindness removed, his entire life became one clear truth in that moment. His dealings with all others in life were laid bare.There was good, for sure, evidence of faith and good works which had the aroma of God’s Spirit pervading them. There were wrongs endured and also committed, but all which was not consistent with the Lord who sat before him, looked both more vile and yet less significant than it had seemed in life. The love and mercy from the throne both judged and showed the smallness of evil in the presence of true Good. All his righteous deeds were affirmed, “well done faithful servant”, and all the evil was unequivocally condemned, and forgiven.
He stood, keenly aware of reality as if he had awoken from a life of sleep, and there was no doubt. Unworthy and loved; known and knowing. He stood not on his own strength, or the merits of his faith and works, but upheld by the merciful love which he now recognized had always been near, sometimes glimpsed in life, touched in moments of outlandish grace, but which he now realized to be the very energy holding everything. Jesus, the wounded and healed One, was All in all, stripping away everything not of God, and initiating an eternal journey.
Rather than ended, he realized the real journey had only begun. The longing he felt was deeper, the trust more robust, and the hope to be more and more united to this wounded Healer, Lord of heaven and earth, drew him. What transformation had begun during his life, hardly amounted to a prelude, much less a far journey. What he now saw, now understood, was the eternal love, goodness, and beauty of God, in whose image he had been made, and into whose likeness he would now be carried.
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