Beyond Expected Prayers

Contemplation is the attempt to behold God as he is, and prayer is opening ourselves up to him. To say it in a different way, in prayer we strive to be ourselves, just as we are, before the loving God we know through Jesus. To do this means praying honestly.

Being open and honest in prayer is difficult for everyone because it requires vulnerability, but it is especially difficult if we have been nurtured in a moralistic type of Christianity. When the emphasis is on making sure we do the correct things, or do things correctly, then it is hard to be naked and honest in prayer. Instead, we pray what “we are supposed to pray”. We may be praying sincerely, that is, truthfully saying what we believe are the proper things, but that is not necessarily the same as praying honestly.

How blessed will be the one who seizes and dashes your little ones against the rock. Psalm 137:9

Many of the psalms are hateful prayers, calling down curses on enemies, and not at all what we “should” pray. We realize these are not godly wishes, but we do not grow if we only try to offer the prayers we think we ought to pray while hiding inside other thoughts and feelings.

If we want to be healed spiritually, inwardly, then first we must admit to the illness we are suffering. Light must shine in the darkness, but that does not happen if we hide the darkness. This is why we need to pray to God what we know we should not say, going beyond expected prayers.

Nevertheless, we can do this because of Jesus. We can trust that somehow in pouring out our inner selves to God, openly and honestly, with the risk of vulnerability, words which are not consistent with the God we behold, we are inviting God to change us inwardly.

Sometimes our true prayers are, “God, I can’t trust you”, “I don’t want to do what you are calling me to do”, or “I don’t want to forgive even if I know I should”. Those are honest and open prayers through which we are disclosing ourselves to the One we behold. We know that God already sees what is within even if we pray only in ways that seem expected or right. We are truly not hiding anything, but simply not admitting it.

Why not pray honestly even what we know is not Christlike? How do we suppose God reacts to such prayers? With anger because they are not “good” prayers . . . or with grace because they are true confession and openness? I am sure that it is the latter!

If we desire to be transformed then we must be humbly honest about ourselves before God. No hiding, no pretending, and no performing or speaking what we think we ought to do or say. Simpler, but harder, is the rigor of being honest. This is the way to receive grace, and grace always changes us.