Last week I suggested that God remains out of reach, not revealing himself when we want that revelation to be on our terms. Once we give up and no longer demand God show himself in the way we want, but let God be God, then we may begin to discover God coming to us.
But what is that like?
Moses wasn’t looking for a burning bush. Jacob was not expecting a dream about a ladder between heaven and earth. Mary was startled by Gabriel, and Gideon did not anticipate an angel appearing to him. At first he did not even realize the one speaking to him was an angel. Three strangers stopped by Abraham’s tent.
Each encounter was different. None of these people expected God to appear when and how he did. That should tell us something.
God does not appear on demand, nor as we anticipate and expect. While we are looking for God somewhere or in some particular way, he often shows up in the periphery of our vision, catching our attention and causing us to look where he is rather than where we thought he would be. We have to learn to follow God in the ways he comes to us.
Our seeking is important, but also is the need to realize that God is the God of the unexpected when it involves how he shows himself. We have to be open to the surprising advent of the divine. Encountering God on his terms humbles us, in an experience of his grace in that he even comes at all, and occurs in a way that deepens our dependence.
But how exactly does God’s way of revealing himself make us more dependent?
The reality is that as soon as we finally experience God, something we may have been seeking a long time but on our terms, we can almost immediately doubt what has just occurred. Did that really happen? Was that truly God? Did I see that, hear that, or experience him? Was God acting in that moment?
We typically assume that if we were to have some direct, unmistakable encounter with God, like the ones we read about in scripture, all our doubts would be forever erased. We would be certain in ways we have never been before. But this is not the case. Maybe even the instances we read about in scripture were not “undoubtable” encounters, even though we imagine they were.
The truth is that we can doubt whatever divine glimpse we have had because it is an appearing that necessitates faith instead of eradicating it. Remember, God wants to nurture dependence, faith in us, which in turn feeds mutual love. God does not reveal himself so we don’t need as much faith. Instead, we have to trust whatever we experience of his presence.
I can know that I have experienced God, but I cannot prove or explain it to anyone else. If I tried, it might sound trite and ridiculous to someone else, but I can trust it.
In that precious moment it seemed God spoke, moved, or assured me of his presence, and though I can subsequently question it, I can also hold on to it. We may keep holding those encounters in our hearts, which may be infrequent, as our markers of why we trust the mystery of a reality beyond explanation or comprehension.