What can we do about getting hurt? It happens to everyone, and whether intentional or not, grossly malicious or simply negligent, maybe careless or out of ignorance, we are wounded all the same.
Spiritual injuries received in religious settings, at the hands of those who are supposed to be helpers, guides, wise mentors, and spiritual leaders, injure us in a particularly deep way because not only is the mistreatment itself harmful, but these individuals, and the organizations they lead, are supposed to bring healing. The physician becomes a mortician, dealing in death not life, killing the spirit, damaging the soul, and wounding the person.
Perhaps surprisingly, or maybe not, in some settings spiritual malpractice is frequently promoted as if it is beneficial. Accentuating guilt and shame can be portrayed as fostering personal growth, when in reality, honesty, acceptance, and restitution are the keys to healing when wrong has been done.
Likewise, humiliation, especially before others, is sometimes employed as a remedy to pride. However, the one who humiliates another sets himself above the other, acting as if superior, and embodies the opposite of what they claim to want to instill. One cannot lead another to humility through a prideful assertion of dominance.
We can multiply examples of when something pathological is being promoted as healthy. Too often abusive actions are mislabeled as spiritual rigor, as evidence of being serious about personal growth. The result is that people are often estranged and driven from any religious community, associating spiritual them with pain. In that situation, leaving that group is the path forward, at least to relief if not deeper healing.
It is very confusing for those who have been wounded by churches and religious institutions because even a genuine healer looks so much like the one who abused them. They trusted before and were mistreated. How can one shepherd sheep who were injured by a shepherd? Every shepherd evokes hurtful memories.
Jesus said he was the Good Shepherd, knowing the people had experienced many abusive and harmful shepherds. He called them the thief who comes to kill and destroy.
Jesus acknowledged how they had been mistreated. Honesty, not excuses. Jesus did not appear like a typical religious person, earning the criticism of the establishment, though he was clearly a good person. He eschewed many of the rabbinical norms of his day.
Jesus constantly chose the role of a servant, to be least, to wash feet, and to even question why he was called “good teacher” (Mark 10:18), unlike those who wanted to be called rabbi in the marketplaces and make their prayer tassels long (Matthew 23:5-7). Jesus was trying to demonstrate that he was different to a people skeptical that anyone could be.
Trust is a gift which a person only offers to another when ready, though sometimes it is withheld forever. A patient and genuine demonstration of trustworthiness, through consistency, goodness, and mercy, is all one can do. Those hurt may or may not choose to trust again.
We can commit ourselves to “doing no harm” as well as being understanding and compassionate about where we and others have been mistreated. When we’ve been wounded by the church, healing really begins to happen when the reality of the spiritual abuse no longer keeps us from the life we were seeking when we were mistreated.